Note: Anger, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride and sloth. Whether or not committing one of these sins will destine you to an eternity stoking Satan’s furnace is up for debate but one thing’s for sure, committing them in a relationship may leave you all alone and out in the cold. In this seven-part series, writer Michael Kerr explores each of the seven deadly sins and why they’re bad for couples.
The Seven Deadly Relationship Sins: Greed
“The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good.” – Gordon Gekko
“Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.” – Erich Fromm
When Michael Douglas’s character Gordon Gekko recited the now-famous speech in the 1987 film Wall Street in which he proclaimed greed good, he certainly wasn’t talking about it in the context of relationships. While greed has benefitted the real Wall Street (as well as the richest one percent in America), it has left many more lives devastated and more than a few relationships in shambles.
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Greed Is Bad
While corporate greed has wreaked havoc on the global economy and left millions struggling to make ends meet, a culture of unrestrained capitalism has turned plenty of once-well-intentioned people into greenback lemmings, driven by the single-minded purpose of acquiring more—more money, more stuff, more prestige—no matter the cost. One of the largest costs of unrestrained greed is the failed relationships it leaves behind, piled up like the hours of relentless money-grubbing required to accumulate even a modicum of wealth in the current economy.
Woe Is the Workaholic
A 2009 study published in the Journal of Counseling and Development found that workaholics (those who are addicted to work) report “more physical health complaints, lower psychological well-being and lower self-acceptance than nonworkaholics.” Those personal traits don’t bode well for relationships and neither does the fact that researchers also found that, not only do workaholics put their own happiness in jeopardy, they also put the happiness of their significant others at risk. Because workaholics have a difficult time accepting themselves, they are generally more “critical and demanding of others” the study found. Researchers suggest that an intervention by family members, coworkers or friends may be in order to help break a person’s bad work habits—and perhaps even save a relationship or two. Of course not everyone who works obscene hours is a workaholic—sometimes people must work long hours or multiple jobs just to make ends meet. That’s not greed; that’s survival in a rough economy. In 2012, 46 million people in the U.S. relied on food stamps in order to feed their families (up from from 26.3 million in 2007). In the wealthiest country on Earth—in which just 400 rich people control more wealth than the bottom 50 percent of its citizens combined—perhaps it’s American-style capitalism that needs an intervention.
Big Money, Big Money…Ugh
While working overtime is one way some people cope in trying economic times, many others prefer to try to strike gold the old-fashioned way—by gambling. Except (spoiler alert), gamblers rarely win. One way to tell you’re about to be fleeced is to count the number of flashing lights in a typical gaming establishment. If its electric bill is higher than the GDP of most third world countries you are going to lose—and lose big. According to sex advice columnist Dan Savage in Image may be NSFW.
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his book Skipping Towards Gomorrah, there was even a time when gambling was a sin ranking right up there with adultery. “By placing their faith in chance, gamblers were refusing to submit themselves to the will of God, making a false idol of money, worshipping luck and not Christ,” says Savage. Oh, how things have changed. Now, with a casino within driving distance of most Americans, states instituting lotteries to plug record budget shortfalls and the money-sucking megalopolis of Las Vegas just a cheap flight away, more than a few people are trying to win back the money they lost by gambling in the stock market—and subsequently losing even more.
Gambling Away Your Marriage
One of the big problems of gambling when it comes to relationships is that, oftentimes, the gambler will keep his or her losses a secret from a spouse. “Financial infidelity can be just as devastating as adultery,” says Tracy Watson, director of communications at the credit-counseling agency Money Mentors. “If one partner has been keeping something that is a huge part of your Image may be NSFW.
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relationship a secret, rebuilding that trust is difficult to do.” Confession, says Watson, is the first step toward redemption with a disgruntled spouse. “If you’re coming clean, be truthful and candid and 100 per cent clean. Don’t try to hide it and make it sound not as bad as it is. There can be no denial, no sugarcoating it. Any further deceit will be disastrous.” Financial coach David Lester, author of I (Heart) Money, says there are a few telltale signs that your partner may be hiding debt:
- They hide the bank statements and/or credit card bills
- Items such as expensive clothing, jewelry, electronics or travel expenses don’t show up on any statements
- They get defensive or make excuses when asked about purchases
- Financial statements turn up in odd places (such as a sock drawer)
- Credit card companies call asking for the spouse by name
Gambling addiction, like alcohol or drug dependence, is an illness. It typically requires the intervention from a mental health professional to set the person on the road to recovery. A financial consultant and good marriage counselor may also be required in order to clean up the mess created by the recovering addict. Perhaps the best way deal with greed in a relationship, however, is to stop worrying about the Joneses and be grateful for what you have instead.
Try These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.
Tantalizing Tokii Reads – to make relationship work into fun.
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